Horner keeps it clean, except for my sofa pillows

Chris Horner washes his Trek bike post ride
SRAM RED rider Chris Horner (Astana) washes his team bike post-ride

Astana athlete and perennial American hardman rider Chris Horner spent the past few days hanging around with me in Chicago’s northwestern suburbs. Just like last year had the chance to spend time with this gracious, dedicated, and hard as nails rider who trained anywhere from three to six hours a day on the flat, windy, and open roads of McHenry County.

Horner is not a slob by any stretch, but he is not an overly obsessive neatnick like myself, and that makes him suspect in my book. While Chris spent a good hour cleaning his bike in my driveway on Thursday, did dishes often, and regularly picked up after himself, he also spent hours on my sofa messing up my pillows, which really concerned me, and should concern all of us.

Chris is perfectly pleasant and extremely considerate, nearly a perfect houseguest. In fact his girlfriend Megan made some brownies for us the other night and they bought me chipotle for dinner when I had no time.

But my issues reach a little further, a little deeper, and he comes up way short when it comes to basic pillow arrangement maintenance on my two sofas, take a look.

Horner completely messes up my sofa pillow arrangement
This isn’t how you found my sofa pillows, Chris!

Okay, so my only real issue relates directly to the sofa pillows, but I don’t care, I have to find fault with the guy somewhere. And if I’m Lance Armstrong or Johan Bruyneel I might think twice about a guy who puts sofa pillows back inches from where they were originally found, leaves handprints on them, forgets to comb the microfiber ones, or even turns them over and exposes the zippers. A bit careless perhaps? Some might even say reckless. Additionally, the order might be random and the furrier pillows aren’t unidirectionally aligned with their patterns. And, in fact on Wednesday one was smushed with a lot of crumple marks. Incredible.

Nice wrinkles on my pillows Horner!
Just crush the corners Horner…my sofa pillows are here for you to abuse! This guy’s unreal….

Horner leaves my sofa pillows all askew
I know I wouldn’t want to ride in a paceline with a guy who arranges pillows like this, pure chaos.

Yep, you see it too, Horner\'s handprint...incredible
Chris Horner’s handprint on my favorite fuzzy sofa pillow, might as well be a face print with the mouth open, yelling “I don’t care about your sofa pillows because I’m Chris Horner!”…

Horner sat here watching TV, the evidence is overwhelming
No, that’s fine Mr. Horner, my maid will get these wrinkles out…

I don’t have the courage to bring this up to Chris face to face, that would be too confrontational and honest. I’d rather just go behind his back, post it here on the TRD and hope he forgets about everything before he potentially returns next year.

Despite the sofa pillow wreckage, Chris did take time to make several dealer visits in the area, spent time at SRAM’s HQ, ride with staff, and many other concessions. I just want to thank Chris and wish him the best of luck this weekend in Elk Grove Village. Unfortunately I may not make it out to the Tour of Elk Grove as I will likely be straightening, combing, and arranging my sofa pillows, so don’t even worry about it, Chris!

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